THE GOLDEN YEARS

I would like to meet the person who made up the term, The Golden Years, and give them a piece of my mind! The Golden Years. Really?

I think the golden years of a person's life is when one is young. That's when you have all the energy in the world. Your body is in the best shape. Your mind is less cluttered with all the life experiences you will have, both fantastically good and tragically sad. The world is your oyster and there's a pearl growing inside your shell. You haven't lived long enough to be pessimistic and jaded. There's a blue bird singing on your shoulder and the future is bright.

But . . .  then you get older. Not only is the future not as bright as you imagined but your eyesight is getting dimmer to boot. Thanks!

All that High School football you played is catching up to you in your joints, and every time the weather takes a turn for the worse, so does your neck, back, and knees which got clobbered over and over on the playing field to the roaring cheers from the bleachers. Now you ask yourself, “Was it worth it?” and you reply with a smile that you'd do it all over again if your knees weren't bad.

So, you take up golf, but as you have gotten older, so has your thumbs which can't quite grasp the club as elegantly, your back is out of alignment most of the time as well, so your swing runs wide and the ball lands in the rough or you try to dig it out of the sand trap like a cat in a litter box. Thank God for the nineteenth hole where you can soothe your golden aches and pains with a drink, and I'm not talking coca-cola.

And if you're a woman, you just don't age like a fine wine as a man does who, if they were a nerd in High School, look like Clark Gable at sixty. But you, on the other hand at the ripe old age of fifty-something, look like an elephant with all the wrinkles and the sags and your memory is on holiday for good.

The Golden Years? Bah humbug. And then The Market crashed and all those who were trying to tell themselves they were in their Golden Years and could relax with their arthritis are now greeters at Wal-Mart.

Something's wrong with this picture, right?

If you are reading this and you are young . . . it's your golden years!!!! 

If there is something you want to do . . . like climb Mount Everest . . .  DO IT NOW. Don't get old and think it's getting better and you find yourself making a Bucket List of the things you wished you had done when you were younger. DO THEM NOW. Do you really want to jump out of a plane when you're eighty-five? Yes? Go for it, then. But go for it NOW while you have good knees to land on. Don't wait for your golden years in the sunset of your life. The key is the sun is setting and then the light goes out. Do it while the sun is up in the sky and you can see!!!! There's no time like the present. At least right now in the present moment you have that moment, so take a bucketful of those moments and DO IT NOW. Your moments aren't going to roll over like your cell phone minutes and you'll have more minutes the next month to live. Nope. It's like a woman's ovaries. They only have, at birth, a certain number of eggs to fry and when the carton is empty, there ain't no more.

So this is your still-small-blog-voice telling you to enjoy your golden years because it is NOW. If you've got air miles, then go now to St. Lucia! Or jump out of a plane. Or climb Mount Everest. Or tell that person that you want to spend the rest of your life with them!!!

Remember . . . NOW is your golden years. Tomorrow the sun may set forever.

© nancy 1.27.2010

The Fox

A few days ago I was opening a sliding glass door to my backyard and heard a rustling of remaining fall leaves. I looked towards the noise and saw that I must have caught an animal off guard who was minding his own business in the last fragments of warmth produced by the afternoon sun which would quickly leave us all a bit colder in about an hour when it would melt into the western sky. My mind at this point was trying to connect the picturesque dots to form a conclusion. Was I seeing a really big raccoon? No. At first glance, the marks around it's eyes along with its crouched position led me to that error of deduction. The animal was very still and looking right at me with great stillness. I continued to look back and realized  . . . Aha! It was a fox.

Even though the cold air was flowing past me from the chilly 30 something degrees, which was forecasted correctly the night before, I kept the door open to observe my wild visitor. It was unusual to see a fox during the daylight hours so I took it as a gift. I looked into his unblinking eyes and tried to send it a clear message through my own eyes, “I'm not going to hurt you. It's okay. Please stay.”

We remained like that until I decided he wouldn't go away, and I slowly slid the door closed and stood inside for a warm moment, watching. I decided to risk losing sight of him by backing away seamlessly from his view to stand behind the door frame. Now I could walk briskly to my camera that was on the bookshelves close by. Coming back into position, I once again moved in slow motion to bring the camera up to my eye so that I could capture the moment. After all, how many times have I had the pleasure of a fox in my yard during the day! He began to move and that was when I noticed that he was limping. It was hurt.

I happened to have my cell phone in my pocket and knew I had my Vet's number in it. My veterinarian's practice is literally just around the corner and rather than lose sight of this creature I pressed the vet's number in hopes that they would know who to call and do it for me. They did and I waited for a call back, taking pictures of this lone animal who had decided my yard was good for a late afternoon nap. I wondered if it was in pain as it settled in dragging its injured leg beneath him. Was it too painful to even sleep? My heart went out to it, and I was glad at the same time that my cat was inside and wouldn't come across a resting fox in it's own back yard startling it into a fuzzy, spitting frenzy.

What seemed like a billion pictures later, my doorbell rang and a lady animal officer was at the ready with a long pole with a noose at the end of it. I asked that he/she be taken to the Veterinary School here in town. She was excited to see the fox, but when I showed her through my camera lens where the sleeping fox was camouflaged in the leaves, she couldn't see it. I suppose if I didn't see him lay down earlier, and train my camera on him, I wouldn't have been able to spot him either since the sun was doing its thing, vanishing with rapid speed to parts unknown leaving the fox
invisible in nature.

On another note, but in the same vein . . .  I have a friend who has been teaching me about Animal Totems. It's nothing new. Indians believed in totems for centuries. You may have seen one or two wooden ones and were told the significance of animals to humans along with their meaning. So she looked “fox” up online and told me what seeing a fox could mean to me on that day. What follows is my rendition of a synopsis and not plagiarism, so please excuse any similarity in wordage (actually I'll put things in quotes for my own simplicity):

If I take this fox showing up in my yard during the sunlit hours as a sign, then it would read something like this: “It is a time to be careful and discriminating, aware of your communication abilities, and be alert to your surroundings. Fox teaches how to be still and silent and all qualities of patience”. The fox may be showing you “a new world and creative process opening up”. (These quotes are taken from starstuffs.com if you are interested.)

Interestingly enough I am venturing into a new world at this very moment in time . . . going back to school. At my ripe old age of 57, that's me jumping completely out of my box. But like the fox who ventured out into the light of day to become visible to me, I will take it as a good sign that I am doing the right thing but will take care to be discriminating and alert to my surroundings.

Thank you my foxy friend for showing up and looking at me straight in the eye. I hope I read your mind. Maybe you were just telling me it would be a good time to take an afternoon nap???


© nancy 1.13.2010

LISTENING . . . 
it's one of the best things you can do for a relationship or for anyone for that matter. I'm not talking about hearing with one ear and thinking in your head about your eager response while the words of your loved one are trying to be heard. I'm talking about keeping your mouth closed, your mind shut off to your own eager responses, and really listening and getting what the other person is saying. Don't even think about your own feelings at that point but rather think about what the other person is feeling, thinking, trying to tell you. First of all, be glad they are actually telling you their feelings and not keeping them all shut in and harboring resentment, frustration, and agitation. See it as a gift . . .  “This person, whom I love, is sharing themselves with me in a more intimate way than even sex”. (Yes, this is for the guys who actually think sex is the most intimate thing they can share. Not true.)

Okay, I said it. (Sorry, girls). But guys may not believe that because most guys, and I am not saying all guys, but most guys think that the most intimate thing they can do for the one they love is to have sex with them. Wrong!!! It's to listen. (And a side note: that little box with the Victoria Secret thingy in it is not really for her but for YOU. If you REALLY want to give her a gift, for HER only, then always listen.

If you are not paying attention then you can get sidetracked. If you find yourself getting sidetracked while you are supposed to be listening, then kick yourself in the behind and shape up. Someone very near and dear is trying to talk to you!!!

One time I went to some motivational meetings with someone and the speaker was talking about communication. Would you believe that what they really covered was how to listen? I did and came away with one of their great responses to give to someone . . . "I understand".

No, really. That was the saying. In other words, when you are listening to someone pour their guts out to you, you focus and say . . .  “I understand”. You then don't go on and on about how you understand because you were in the same situation five years ago and blah, blah, blah and how you got out of it and are now successful and yada, yada, yada.

No. You truly say, “I understand” and then you shut up!!! Let them keep talking. Remember . . . you're listening!!! It's not time for you to spill your guts as well. Especially if you are trying to work something out. Be the one who listens first and be patient. Your time will come to speak, and you will be listened to in a more encompassing way because you listened in a big way first.

Don't believe me? Then you're not listening to me!!!

Believe it or not, listening is believing . . . believing in the other person who is confiding in you and doing your best to understand. By saying you understand, it will actually help you to sit there and really try to understand.

Did I say you had to agree? No. Don't minimize another person's feelings just because you may not have experienced it nor think their feelings were practical, etc. And don't tell someone, "That's stupid", "I can't believe you felt that way". Dumb dumb. Don't you get it? They are feeling that way because you couldn't believe they were feeling that way the first time they told you!! Duh. Get a clue.

And by the way, don't tell someone how they should feel or not feel. Their feelings are valid. So are yours, but right now we are talking about listening, and your feelings or responses are supposed to be on hold for the moment, so you can be in the moment with what that someone is telling you about what he/she needs from you. So, listen. Really listen. It's important.

Did you know that if you start out a conversation with the thought that you have to agree in order to be resolved in your relationship, then you don't know the first thing about listening! Your opinions have nothing to do with listening. In fact, if you're thinking about your opinions at this point, you are not listening at all.

And that's a big one too . . .  your opinions. But NOT in a sit-down heart-to-heart conversation where someone is trying to patch up a relationship that's totally worth patching up. My opinion and yours, by the way, is but a grain of sand in the universe and not worth two cents when compared to hearing the words coming out of a loved one's mouth. Keep your opinions in the board room and hash it out all you want there, but bring love, an open mind and ear to relationships. If you are so bent on getting your opinions out in the world then write a blog about them!! Haha.

Are you listening? I understand.

So when your loved one bares their soul to you, you do your best to listen and understand and do one more thing . . .  ask, “What can I do to make things better”. Take responsibility to be a part of making things better because, believe you me, you were part of making things worse most likely! It's a two-way street. It takes two to tango. Be humble. You're not perfect and could probably use some changing in your attitude, the way you talk to people, the way you listen, and so forth and so on!

Do you understand?

Repeat after me . . .  “I understand”.

Good! Now you're on the road to good listening.


© nancy 12.30.2009

HAPPY HOLIDAYS Have you gotten into the Ho Ho Ho yet? No! No!! No??? “Get on with it!!” as Rosemary Verey said to me in 1996 when I was trying to get my picture taken beside her in her beautiful garden at Barnsley House in the Cotswolds of England. The task had taken longer than she thought necessary, and when the words came out of her mouth I thought in my southern mind . . . how rude!!! But I had grabbed her in an adoring tourist sort of way most likely taking her away from some desperate weeding she had in mind before she had to finish the next book she was writing not to mention the speech she would be giving at Oxford or the Chelsea Flower Show. Probably not. But can you imagine your garden being trampled by tourists on a daily basis and all you want to do is walk in your garden undisturbed? Yes, the British would have just walked by her and said, “How d'you do” while tipping their woolen hats and brandishing the ever-present plaid umbrella. But, us rowdy Americans just have to get in your face, wrap an arm around you and tell you to smile for a camera. Now that's rude and I can see Mrs. Verey's point. Touche.

Maybe this Christmas you can shed some cheer. You have a few days left. Bring your camera to the Mall, stand next to complete strangers, wrap your arm around their waists and tell them to shout “Kris Kringle” as you hold your tiny camera as far in front of you as your bones will allow. CLICK. Selfie taken and “there you have it” . . . another British term that comes in handy from time to time when finishing an elaborate story. So “get on with it” with a Hohoho and a Heeheehee realizing you may have made someone's day or at least made them wake up and smell the peppermint candy canes. My choice to keep my Christmas cheer in full gear? Coca colas and chocolate which inevitably will lay me  down with a bang on the couch with the cat on my chest for a long winter's nap. It could work for you too and hopefully, you will wake up to fresh, falling snow out your window after dreaming about a White Christmas where treetops glisten and children listen to hear sleigh bells in the snow. Where's Bing when you need him? And by the way, a sleigh pulled by some big, jingle-belled horses wouldn't hurt the mood, right? So take your frown, turn it upside down and you'll find your laughing place. Ho Ho Ho.

“Get on with it!”

 © nancy 2009

HO HO HO

Happy Holidays!

Wait a minute . . . did I just hear you mumble, "Bah Humbug?"

If you're determined to be a Bah Humbug, then be one with gusto and a smile. That way you'll be a hit. But if you want to be a curved back, grumbling Scrooge, then go sit in your cold corner alone without a lump of warm coal to your name and count your pennies instead of your blessings.

Me? I say, "Turn on the twinkly lights!!!"

That's right. I know that I was the first one to grumble at the folks who would put up their Christmas lights before Thanksgiving. I thought it a terrible thing to see twinkling lights for sale at the drug store along with Halloween masks. Can't people be patient? What's the rush to get to Christmas before you can even say, "Boo?!"

But this year I had a change of heart. Before I could say, "Trick or Treat" I was silently getting out my tree from its resting place in the attic and giving it a prominent place in a room where it could be seen through my front glass door from the street below. It helped that the happy lights were permanently attached to the fake tree, and I only had to plug the cord into the outlet and exclaim . . .  "I needed a little Christmas . . . right this very minute . . . I needed a little Christmas NOW !!!"

So what if the Trick or Treaters came to my door this year and Ding Dong! saw the glowing tree in the background. They probably thought they had landed in Oz. Unfortunately, Glenda had a headache and couldn't meet and greet the little munchkins at the door so a bowl of candy was left on the stoop next to the pumpkins to make the trek up the driveway worth the little goblins' efforts. Hope the kiddos found the offering while their parents stood at the curb far below . . . yelling, "Only take one piece!"

And grumbling amongst themselves . . . "Is that a Christmas tree I see through the front door? What?!!! The nerve. Can't she wait for the last piece of candy to be eaten? I tell you what . . some people! It's bad enough that you see folks putting up their trees before their Thanksgiving turkey can come out of the oven, but I swear. Really?".

"Yeah, and the next thing you know she'll be setting off fireworks in January!!!"

Hmmmm . . . that's an idea.

And off they go, hand in hand, with their batmans, princesses and pirates to the tune of, "Can we put up our tree when we get home, mom/dad? Can we? That was pretty!"

And what about you? Are you down in the dumps? Turn the radio on 'cause Santa Claus is Comin' To Town, Chestnuts are Roasting on an Open Fire, and I'll Be Home For Christmas . . . you can count on me.

"And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord . . . " (Luke 2:10-11)

"... and peace on earth toward men of good will." (literal translation)

(c) nancy 12.1.2009

GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE
It's coming . . . whether you like it or not !!! So hold on to your turkey it might be a bumpy ride.

For some people, the holidays are a time for stress. For others, it is a time for joy. It all depends on what has happened before, whether most of your family times have been euphoric or simply unbearable. Everyone comes to the holiday season with a certain mental frame of mind which carries them through the days or hurtles them into freakout space.

So I say let's change things. Let's change our minds and therefore change our circumstances. You don't have to gobble up all the world's or your family's traditional views of what you SHOULD be doing this Thanksgiving. Do something different. Make a new tradition.

Ask yourself, "What do I want to do"? Does that sound selfish? To a degree, yes, but sometimes you just have to think about you 'cause if YOU don't, who will?

If you are beginning to feel the rise of stress levels in your body and mind as the leaves outside your window are falling, then decide you are going to HAVE IT YOUR WAY and hold the pickle if you want! If you don't want the pickle then don't eat it. Tell your folks you've gone holidarian in place of vegetarian this year and you're sorry but you can't digest Thanksgiving.

Instead, you could invite all your real friends over, bringing with them whatever they want . . . turkey, tofurkey . . . you name it! Go to the beach and have a picnic on the sand with someone you REALLY want to be with at this time. Maybe it's just your cat!! The key is to be light, have fun and enjoy life. If you can do that around your family, then go for it with gusto. If you can't, don't feel bad, and don't let your family make you feel bad. Do tell them you love them and be cheerful and sincere about it and then go baste your turkey and eat it too . . . or not!

Do what makes you thankful and make sure you have been kind in the process because we know that Karma is a @#*"!




© nancy 11.92009

TESTS

Remember all those tests you had to study for from kindergarten through four or more years of college? All the cramming? All the sleep-deprived nights and the resultant sleepy afternoons which found you trying to keep your heavy-lidded eyes open while listening to your boring biology teacher's sesquipedalian (thank you for this word you folks who wrote the script for the movie "Love Happens") description of fungi?

"any of a diverse group of eukaryotic single-celled or multinucleate organisms that live by decomposing and absorbing the organic material in which they grow, comprising the mushrooms, molds, mildews, smuts, rusts, and yeasts, and classified in the kingdom Fungi or, in some classification systems, in the division Fungi (Thallophyta) of the kingdom Plantae".

Did you fall asleep? Wake Up! Wipe the drool off your office desk and have fun taking the test provided by the link here:http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

You don't have to study a thing. Just be yourself. You may find out that you are who you are and someone has put it into words that you couldn't and you'll make sense to you too!

“Oh . . . so that's why I run from conflicts or take charge of everything and everyone. Hmmmm. Interesting. Now I understand my husband better, my office mate, my child.”

Well, just because it's written in black and white doesn't mean it's written in stone. The great thing about human beings is their ability to adapt and to change. You don't have to be an asshole all your life!!! You can change and be a sweetie. Really! No lie. And you don't have to be crouched in the corner afraid of your shadow and everyone else's. No kidding.

You can be that Fungi or fun girl and mushroom into the person you really want to be and not what you were born with, or grew up surrounded by, or told you had to be, or tested that you are . . . blah, blah, blah.

YOU be YOU and go out there and test your metal and show the world what you're made of, for you are YOU, classified in your own Kingdom. YOU RULE !!!

But if YOU {choose to} BE icky and hurt people on purpose and are rude and unkind, in other words, a real smut, then don't be you. CHANGE. Be better. You'll like yourself more and you may even wake up one morning to realize you like the world you live in as well. Waking up to smell the coffee and drinking it will actually make you smile knowing you have changed, making the world a better place for us all.

Thank YOU !!!


© nancy 10.1.2009