LIFE AND DEATH

AND SOYLENT GREEN

Whoa!!! That's a heavy subject. Are you really going to write about that you may be asking yourself?

Yes. I am.

If you are a baby boomer like I am then your mom and dad are in their 80's or 90's. But some of you
at this point in your life have already had the big boom laid on your heart and watched your precious mom and/or dad go on before you to the land where there is no more pain, no more sorrow, no more tears. That's a good thing, right? That they are in a better place . . . without you?

I feel extremely fortunate that I still have my mother and father, both who are 91 years old and counting. My Dad wants to live to be 100. (And he did.) He has the genes. His family lives long and prospers. I am praying I have those genes and the good health that goes with it, bypassing any heart problems in the bloodline. Excuse my pun!

But my mother didn't fair as well. She has struggled through two triple bypasses and recovered famously. Then she found out she has old-age diabetes like her mother had (here again I pray that passed me by while swimming in the gene pool) and has to prick her beautiful, thin-skinned fingers three or more times a day. The first time she did it, I was with her and jumped when she jumped when that little needle came out of nowhere when she pressed the button and poof! . . .  there was that little bead of blood that would tell her if she was traveling up or down on the sugar road of life. It's no big thing now.

Lately, she hasn't felt so good. We tease about Soylent Green, and I tell her that if there was a Soylent Green factory around I would take her there when she was ready, and we would get her laid out on the table where Edward G. Robinson had lain and pick out the scene she would want to see playing on the big screen surrounding her bed and pick out the music she would like to hear. We'd say what we needed to say, and she would close her eyes, take her last breath and go on, leaving all her aches and pains behind. She could go with dignity and with your mind.

But there isn't any Soylent Green factory around so she has to go through the drudgery of these last days, and I have to see her do it. That's what you get with modern medicine. We are all living longer than our bodies wanted to live and are glad of the extra time to make memories but the end is still there for one to go through. We don't get a “Get out of Jail” card.

I hope that all of you out there reading this blog can send a prayer up for my precious mother and father that they may be able to get through this . . .  what words can I write? It's awful to have to let someone you love go when you know you won't see them again any time soon.

That's what hope is for . . .  hope for the day when we all get together in a place where all our sorrows are no more, tears are no more and we are with our loved ones forever.

© nancy 3.19.2010

THE BLACK PEARL:

PART TWO

Okay, so I just wanted to show you a picture I took yesterday of the "two cats snuggling" scenario. Doesn't the little black thing look too cute with its paw resting under its sleepy head? You can't see it 'cause she's black? I know what you mean. I have to use the magnifier in PhotoElements to get in closer to see the details.

But today is a big day. The little critter is trying to open its eyes! They really are glued shut at birth, and I swear they have to pry them open one micrometer at a time once they are about a week old. For this kitty, it has started at the corner of the eyes near the nose and so it's just a tiny peephole to the world beyond that has been as black as she is up until this point. Maybe it works that way so that the retina, lens, and what have you get adjusted slowly? It didn't reckon with the flash on my camera! I keep checking every hour to see the progress. You KNOW I'm going to take a picture of the thing and blind it with the flash once it opens its beady eyes completely.

BLAM!!!

What I really wanted to write about is . . . 

do you ever wake up in the morning and feel BLAH for no apparent reason?

The coffee you had for breakfast doesn't get the motor running. The birds chirping merrily outside because Spring is springing, and they are telling the world how happy they are about it, but you feel like a rainy day on the inside so their singing is lost on your ears? You might even be asking yourself, "Is this as good as it's going to get?" as you remember the days when you wished you had more time to do all the stuff on your list . . .  take Cookie to dance practice, pick Ricky's shirts up at the cleaners, take your mom to the doctor, do laundry, shop for the dinner party you thought would be fun but is now looming in front of you and you still haven't gotten number 15 and 16 done on that list. You didn't have time to feel yucky. Or maybe you just didn't allow yourself. You took two Advil and continued checking things off your list.

Now you have more time on your hands and more time to feel everything. Maybe it's finally caught up with you so you have to feel it all now 'cause you didn't take the time to feel it all then. Great. What do you do with it? You stare out the window and feel as cloudy as the sky above and heave a sigh like Eeyore when he heard Winnie-the-Pooh's exclamation of "Good Morning!"

Eeyore responded by saying, "Good morning, Pooh Bear. If it is a good morning . . .  which I doubt."

He goes on to say that we can't all be "Gaiety. Song-and-dance. Here we go round the mulberry bush." 

I agree Eeyore. What to do . . .  what to do.

Is this depressing enough? Here you thought you were going to read some charming, witty Part Two and it's done a 180 on you and you're feeling a bit unnerved. "Thanks a lot!" you exclaim towards me. "I thought I was having a McDonald's have-a-nice-day day.

Go get a coke and try to rev yourself back up to the happy place you were in before you read this blog.

Cheers! (That was me raising my coke to you).

Or you might try this approach. I think sometimes about a song I heard growing up. I believe it may have been a Disney cartoon based on Brer Rabbit talking to Brer Bear about his Laffin' Place . . . a secret place that Brer Rabbit likes to go to laugh. (Uncle Remus stories).

It goes something like this:

"Everybody's got a Laffin' Place 

a Laffin' Place, I know ho-ho.

Take a frown, turn it upside down 

and you'll find yours I know ho-ho."

Where's your Laffin' Place? I should use a dose of my own written medicine, find my Laffin'/Happy Place, and transport myself there right now.

Ahhh . . .  I can picture myself on a lounge chair with the breeze blowing my hair. The air smells fresh with the hint of the scents all around me. Like the water that is flowing under the pier. It has its own smell, not like the ocean or a lake, that is trapped in one place. Like the warm sun on my face that smells like sunshine and feels like a caress. Like the myriad birds flying overhead, and the leaves in the trees brushing against each other in the wind. I hear the sound of a distant motorboat and the cry of an egret. I can picture it all, breathe it all and see it all in my mind's eye. That's my Happy Place. It makes me smile.

And wouldn't you know that my beautiful momma cat, at this very moment as I am writing about a happy place, jumped up in my lap, put her paws on my chest, looked into my eyes, and began to purr?

Suddenly all's right with the world.

 

(c) nancy 3.12.2010

THE BLACK PEARL

March second, two thousand and ten at two forty-five in the afternoon saw the emergence of The Black Pearl (now affectionately known as Little Bitty).

It was one of those things where you ask yourself, “Is she or isn't she?” I've had cats all my life on and off. When I was young, I even had a cat who went into the neighbor's old, wooden shed that was part of their creepy garage. But it was 'the' spot the cat decided was good for her to birth her kitties. I didn't think it was so great. Wasn't there some spiders or possibly some snakes in there too? Somehow the kittens were brought over the yard line and into our household. They were given weird names and from that point on I have always given my cats names that others shake their heads at and comment upon its absurdity, but they had to relent in future, seeing that it was the purrfect name for that specific cat.

I now have a beautiful cat whose name is Kitty Lou Bensonhurst . . .  and that is another story.

She was supposedly abandoned as a tiny thing along with her siblings. My daughter's friend rescued them, and when I saw Kitty Lou I couldn't say no. She's as soft as a rabbit and has light blue eyes, beige body fur, and light grey-tipped ears. She's about two and a half years old and has a boyfriend. He loves to come around and sit on the window ledge and peer in adoringly trying to get a glance of his loved one. He's smitten. Can you be a smitten kitten? I digress. At any rate, my neighbor found her one day in flagrante delicto with the boyfriend in bright day light on his front porch. Thanks for being discreet, Miss Bensonhurst!

But it wasn't her time to get pregnant so they played cat and mouse (excuse my play of words) until MEOW !!!  I had to ask myself, “was she or wasn't she?” When she threw up on the rug I had a thought but vanished it. Then she began to eat and eat . . .  hmmm . . . and sleep a lot . . .  uh oh . . .  and be all lovey-dovey. I thought I better check the internet on cat pregnancy and how long it lasts.

OMG!

If my calculations were even remotely correct, I would be seeing some babies the next week!!!

But Kitty Lou wasn't very big and my friend said she thought that Kitty Lou should be bigger if she was near her due date. And I thought that maybe it meant she wasn't going to have but two kittens at the most. So I asked friends for empty boxes because the internet said you would need one for the birthing chamber and one to put the freshly licked kittens in along with a heating pad under some fresh towels.

March second came on a headache at four in the morning. One of those that last all day no matter what you do. If you could put your head in a vise and squeeze it until it all popped out, you know you would feel better and the pressure would be gone. So I stayed in bed all morning with my door closed so Kitty Lou couldn't jump up and startle my head back into more pain that I was trying desperately to pray into oblivion. Luckily, a friend had planned to come over that afternoon and at that moment when he came into the room to check on me, so did Kitty Lou. I thought she was being nurse-like, as cats can be, to make sure I was alright.

“Meow!”

“Yes, darling” as I petted her head in acknowledgment of her sweetness.

Her eyes were as big as saucers, and I thought it was because I had all the lights off for my pounding head.

“MEOW!”

“Yes, I know” as I continued to pet her head.

“REOAR!!!”

“OMG . . .  I think she's getting ready to have her kittens !” I exclaimed to my friend, lifting my poor aching head off my pillow.

“Go get some towels and the box !!” I ordered, ready to rock and roll.

Kitty Lou kept looking at me for help and all I could do was tell her she was “doing great” and soothe her by petting her. True to form, she wanted to bite me one time because of the pain and I thought of all the women who bit their husband's heads off while in labor yelling, “It's all your fault!” 

It was amazing to watch. Kitty Lou grunted just like a human when it was time to push. She meowed with fervor when the contractions made her stomach roll from her chest down to her . . . well, you know. And when her one, lone baby came out she knew just what to do without me telling her. The Black Pearl was evidence that the boyfriend had gotten lucky and Kitty Lou had gotten pregnant about 60 days prior. I'll have to check the calendar and see if it was a full moon because it had been a full moon during the night and I thought that was why I had the headache. But no.

Things happen for a reason, a friend of mine likes to say, and I'm beginning to see the light. Looking back, I had planned on being out of town on that day. But plans had changed because of my headache, so I was home instead. Also, I was supposed to have a massage the afternoon of the 2nd during that specific hour of the day. 

So there you have it!

Sometimes when you open an oyster you get a natural, white pearl and if you're really lucky, you get a black one.

I guess I got lucky.

Kitty Lou has stayed with that little critter from dawn to dusk. She's curled around it to keep it warm. But today Pearl is 5 days old and Kitty Lou meowed to go outside for the first time, so I let her. She better come back 'cause I don't know how to feed a newborn kitten, but I know I would step up to the plate and get kitty with it.

Puuuurrrrr.

© nancy 3.7.2010