Fortune Sticks

I have been opening up my can of Chinese Fortune Sticks for approximately thirty-seven times. Today was my lucky charm day for my fortune read: Unexpected money and happiness is before you.

Supposedly these sticks are “The Oldest Known Method Of Fortune telling in the World”. And yes, I typed it as it is shown on the can and the 't' in 'telling' is not capitalized. Should that tell me something?

These sticks are “for ages 8 & up”. I guess if you are aged eight or below you don't get a fortune. You just have to be glad you're alive!

At any rate, what happened to tea leaves? Weren't people drinking tea in cups or wooden bowls for centuries and divining one's life through them before they were whittling sticks and putting them in little piles to await calligraphic lines of fortunistic doom or happiness to be penned upon their smoothed surfaces?

According to my can of imminent opportunities or failures, “the original fortunes were written in Chinese poetry. A translation has been made to English from an ancient book of Chinese Fortunes”.

Well . . . la-de-da.

I guess my fortune may be translated: Unexpected money and happiness is before you . . . maybe.

Or it could read: Unexpected happiness and a penny you picked up off the pavement is probably all you're gonna get if you're lucky to trip over both of them in the parking lot of Wal-Mart.

Okay. I'll stop with the gloom and wish on the next star to the right that this fortune stick is straight out of the ancient mouth of a Chinese babe and is true. I could use some unexpected money and happiness.

(c) nancy 7.16.2009